This morning I asked my therapist if we could talk about my political anxiety, and it was so helpful that I wanted to write a post about it. My apologies in advance if any part of this introduction is TMI.
“I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat,” I told her (TMI?). “This hasn’t happened since my first year of law school, well before the 2020 election.”
I reeled off my list of worries: similarities to the rise of Nazi Germany are no longer on the precipice, but are happening before our very eyes; unidentified men in unidentified vehicles are forcibly removing people from town halls and kidnapping people from their homes for their dissenting views; agencies on which we depend, including those that control flight traffic and radioactive nuclear waste, are effectively getting cut; the EU is having to meet without the United States because it has abandoned democracy and its allies in favor of dictatorships like Russia.
What followed was a conversation that was difficult but ultimately helpful, and I wanted to relay those lessons to you all.
Have Conversations to Collect Data, Not to Immediately Change Minds
After I talked for 10 minutes about my concerns, my therapist raised the issue that we get our news and share information in echo chambers, and she wondered if talking to others with different perspectives might help ease my anxiety. “No,” I immediately said. Despite the many years Trump’s been around, it’s still incredibly frustrating and disheartening to know how many people voted for him. This, I told my therapist, is still bothering me. It’s difficult if not impossible for me to have conversations with people who I feel are “so out of touch with reality,” I told her.
“I know I need to get past this, somehow,” I admitted. “Staying in my echo chamber isn’t going to create change. But how do I have conversations without it getting heated? It upsets me to know people don’t care – that they don’t have to care – about racial equity, women’s and LGBTQ rights, and the environment. Also, I shouldn’t have to have a conversation with someone whose disagreement is rooted in others’ oppression (quoting James Baldwin), and I don’t know how to do it anymore without getting extremely upset.”
She provided some wise advice that took me time to process, but which I have decided I should accept:
First, the world is unfair. For decades before us people have been oppressed, and that will continue for decades after we’re gone. And it’s true that some people don't care. That sucks. We simply can't change the reality that this will awlays exist.
Second, despite this fact, it doesn’t doom us: there are millions of people that do care and there is still an ability to change our culture. This is why we can’t give up on conversations: that’s part of the way cultural change happens.
Third, it might not be the case that the person you’re talking to is a misogynist/racist just because they voted for Trump. As humans, we tend to see things in black and white – “if someone voted for Trump, they must either be undeducated or a misogynist,” I’ve heard many progressives say (including myself). But the truth is that there are millions of perspectives coming from every corner of the globe. Instead of pre-judging someone you’re talking to, think of conversations as a way to collect data to improve your activism. Maybe you learn the horrible truth about someone in the first five minutes of your conversation, but maybe your mind is blown and the assumptions you’ve made get washed away. The more perspectives you understand, the more you’ll learn, and the better your change-making will be.
If we want to understand where the Democratic party went wrong and change our culture, we have to get past our inability to have conversations with Republicans and those we disagree with in our own party. I know how hard this is, trust me. But we need to practice this and develop tools that will allow us to have these conversations. It will help us grow as activists, and could save our country and peoples’ lives.
Focus on What you Can Control
I can’t do much to immediately control the worries I listed to my therapist. Trump and Musk are going to do what they’re going to do. I have to feel that pain and then let it go and focus on what I can control. I should also remember that our greatest defenses are working. At the end of the day, here’s what I can control: calling my officials, protesting, writing for my blog, and preparing strategically for the 2026 elections (researching what went wrong and how to pivot). The good thing is, focusing on these general tactics can, at once, serve to address many of the issues I listed. For one thing, general public pressure is working— the administration, for example, opted to reverse staffing cuts at the Social Security Administration and other agencies after public pressure mounted. Additionally, a 2026 election sweep in Congress would help Congress serve as a check on Trump across all issues.
See Anxiety Management and Reducing News Consumption as an Activism Tool
“I feel guilty when I’m not keeping up with the news,” I told my therapist when she said that I might consider reducing my news consumption. But an anxious activist is not an effective activist, she reminded me. She helped me reframe anxiety management/reducing news intake from a source of guilt to a self-care practice that is better for the world. Maintaining boundaries around news consumption, I realized, should be a part of our broader activism plan. It’s something I’m going to be working on.
If anyone has tips for how they’re doing this, please comment below! I’m still figuring that out…
Don’t Forget About the Democrats’ Identity Crisis
An interesting conversation came up with my therapist towards the end of our session, about how anxiety is becoming a source of distraction. All of the anxiety about what Trump is doing is distracting from a really important issue: the fact that Democrats don’t resonate with much of the American public. Democrats have some soul-searching to do over the next year, and so while some of the party is fighting the Trump administration’s actions, another portion of the party, as well as the public, needs to be working behind closed doors strategizing about how we reconnect with more Americans.
Tips for Insomnia
At the end of our session and writing all of these lessons down, I asked “what can I do in the moment when this anxiety comes up? It usually happens at night when I’m relaxing and have time to think.” My therapist gave me a few tips:
Read fiction before bed
Listen to a bedtime story like you’re 5 again
Actually create boundaries around your news intake - what do you need to stay informed? Cut the rest out.
I’ve come up with a new mantra to remind myself of these lessons:
Reduce your news intake.
Focus on the things you can control > see the results, sans anxiety.
Have conversations to collect data, not to persuade.
Lastly, I wanted to remind folks that to maintain your personal focus you can fill out this activism guide and commit to calling your state and federal officials. We should continue calling our federal reps about the budget reconciliation bill (details of which are being negotiated): tell them to vote no on cutting social security and healthcare in order to pay for tax cuts to the wealthy. Visit 5calls.org for up-to-date scripts on the issues that are important to you.
I hope these lessons are helpful to you and that you have a great weekend doing something you love.
xx, Grace